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Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
1 year ago
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
My love of lists
I am frantically trying to get things done before I have to go back to work--I have three more weeks, but this for some reason does not feel like enough time!! I need 3 more months, I so wish I had the summer off (and was paid for it...I think I need a career change).
So I am obsessively making lists. It's what I do. I make lists for school, lab, home, etc, you name it I make a list for it. One of my co-workers actually bought me a book where I can do nothing but make lists of my life, I need to start that soon...I'll put that on my list of things to do.
It's crazy how much I want to try to get done before I go back and I'm going to be doing this while I'm still exhausted. Although I am toning down the pumping, I'm slowly eliminated the middle of the night pump. I've realized me being exhausted day in and day out is not good for me or my family. I quite frankly makes me insane, I don't even need crazy hormonal changes.
The list I've been working on today-day care for Connor. We have unexpectedly needed daycare sooner than we thought due to a family emergency (my nephew Ethan is severely sick and in need of a heart transplant-keep him in your prayers!) and have called around to 10 day cares! I now am going to do what I do best--put all this data I've gathered in an organized and sortable Excel document. I love Excel.
Oh, by the way I've had my first full soda with caffeine today and I feel like I'm on crack! It's great, but I'm not looking forward to the crash!
So I am obsessively making lists. It's what I do. I make lists for school, lab, home, etc, you name it I make a list for it. One of my co-workers actually bought me a book where I can do nothing but make lists of my life, I need to start that soon...I'll put that on my list of things to do.
It's crazy how much I want to try to get done before I go back and I'm going to be doing this while I'm still exhausted. Although I am toning down the pumping, I'm slowly eliminated the middle of the night pump. I've realized me being exhausted day in and day out is not good for me or my family. I quite frankly makes me insane, I don't even need crazy hormonal changes.
The list I've been working on today-day care for Connor. We have unexpectedly needed daycare sooner than we thought due to a family emergency (my nephew Ethan is severely sick and in need of a heart transplant-keep him in your prayers!) and have called around to 10 day cares! I now am going to do what I do best--put all this data I've gathered in an organized and sortable Excel document. I love Excel.
Oh, by the way I've had my first full soda with caffeine today and I feel like I'm on crack! It's great, but I'm not looking forward to the crash!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The story of Connor Jace
Sadly, this is the second time I've started this blog, the first of which was accidentally deleted and ended with me having a hysterical crying fit--I blame my hormones. So I am here trying for the second time and last time to write this story and hopefully it will not end in tears.
So to pick up from my last blog, I was on bed rest due to extreme swelling and elevated blood pressure with a possibility of developing preeclampsia. I had my doctor's apt the following week (week 36) and I came in with weight gain (fluid) and some interesting lab values that indicated I was on my way to preeclampsia, but still no protein in my urine (an essential diagnosic value), so my doctor wanted to put me in the hospital for 24 hour observation and urine collection-so off to the hospital again. This was Tuesday and my lab results were predicted to be available Thursday. There was some talk of inducing me on Thursday if my lab values did not come out well, but thankfully I was OK and was allowed to go home on more bed rest. Toby was disappointed, he was worried about me and wanted our little boy out before I developed serious complications with preeclampsia, like seizures, but I was relieved. I wanted to have a full term baby (37 weeks) and I just wasn't mentally ready. I'm not sure I would ever be, but I definitely wasn't then.
So fast forward to my doctors apt that next Tuesday April 13. In my head I was prepared to be induced if I developed preeclampsia, but really didn't think so because I felt pretty good, except huge and swollen. I came in and had high blood pressure and finally the symptom they had all been waiting for me to develop-protein in my urine (+3). I was sent immediately to the hospital to be induced. I have to say I was OK, I thought I was prepared for what was to happen and for the most part of I was because of our child birthing classes we took, but I was not prepared for everything.
Oh, and I had my 3 hour glucose test that day, so I had fasted since 10 pm the evening before was not allowed to eat because they were going to induce me! To say the least I was freaking starving and think I ate 10 times by body weight in ice chips which was all I was allowed to have. So I was admitted to the hospital and started the process around 1 pm. I was then informed that I would need to have a continuous high infusion of magnesium because of my "severe" preeclampsia to prevent seizures. I was not prepared for this part. This was not covered in my child birthing class and was not informed by my doctor about this. But in the end after weighing the pros and cons decided it was best for me and the baby to have the magnesium infusion. Now, high levels of magnesium makes you feel hot-like feverish hot and sweaty. Wasn't prepared for that, it overwhelmed any contractions that I felt or any other pain, I was just so freaking hot, it was miserable. As the levels are high, it also makes you feel out of it which hit me in the middle of the night. Not fun!
So I'm going to spare you all the little details of me being induced, etc, but long story short, I got the epidural around 5 pm or so but started to feel pain-extreme pain in the middle of the night around 2 pm. I felt like the baby was trying to push his way out of my butt...sorry to be so blunt, but that's what it felt like. Not fun! I was trying to tell the doctor and nurse about my pain, but all I got was "this is labor honey, it's suppose to be painful" which pissed me off because I was like hello--epidural. What the hell. So they finally checked how much I was dialated at 3 pm and the doctor says "no wonder your in pain, you're at 9 cm already!" Yeah no shit lady, I've been tell you for the past hour I'm in pain. They were not expecting me to dialate so fast, they were thinking I was going to have the baby some time the next morning or afternoon. So they let me dialate to 10 cm for an hour which was horribly painful. The anasteologist came and told me she could take all my pain away (the only nice, symathetic person that morning), but I didn't want it all to go away, but she did increase my dose slightly. Then about 4-5 people come in around 4 pm and say ok you are 10 cm and let's push! So here we go, first push, they loose Connor's heart beat and it takes about 5-10 minutes to find it which scares the shit out of me and Toby. I now have about 7 -10 people in my room all frantically trying to assist the doctor in trying to find his heart beat. Finally they find it and they debate whether to let me push or if it would be too much stress on the baby and we also found out that Connor's head was turned to the side which may have also been putting stress on him. They let me push for about 40 minutes or so but he did not budge at all. I was so disappointed, I was pushing my heart out, I really wanted a vaginal birth, but I guess it was not meant to be. The doctors decided at this point it would be best to have a c-section because he was not progressing and was stressed. So they prepped me for a C-section and at 5:35 am April 14 Connor was born. I heard him screaming and felt so relieved! They brought him over to me all wrapped up and I talked to him briefly and gave him a kiss (at which time he stopped crying and looked at me :). Then Toby escorted him to the nursery while they finished up with me. It seemed like forever, I sure I was the most annoying patient ever, I was out of it because of the magnesium, but do remember asking periodically if the doctors "were done yet" I sure I was just as annoying as any 3 year old asking "are we there yet."
I'm going to summarize this last part quickly-I had to be on the magnesium for 24 hours after birth so was taken back to the labor and delivery room for 24 hours. When I got back to the room, I found out Connor had been taken to NICU because he had some trouble breathing, which then lead them to find out he had high levels of magnesium and was really lethargic. They had to keep him in NICU until he was functioning like a normal infant and not so lethargic. I was so sad because I could not go up to NICU and see Connor until I was done with the magnesium. Toby got to go up and see him and he took pictures and brought them back down to me. I started to try to pump breast milk for Connor, but it was a no go in the hospital, but I continued to try to pump. I finally got to see him the next morning and went up to visit him as much as a could and trying to breastfeed every time I went up. It was difficult because he had already been bottle fed :( I was discharged that Friday and luckily Connor was discharged on Saturday. I was so upset Friday going home without my baby, but was glad when I got home I finally pumped some breast milk for Connor and was so excited went back up to the hospital Friday night to give it to him which about wore me out!
It has been a roller coaster ride since then with getting used to Connor and his needs and schedule (or lack there of), but we have been so excited to have him home and healthy. The breastfeeding did not work out for me and I have come to terms with it, but I am still pumping every 4 hours and am able to provide breast milk for Connor and that is all that matters. He is a happy healthy baby and we are so excited to be able to spend some good time with him.
I am feeling pretty good, my swelling is almost all gone (just a bit left in my feet) and I feel like a new person-I forgot how it feels not be so swollen and big! I am not 100%, but am on my way and I almost feel back to "normal" although I'm not sure my life will ever be back to normal!
So to pick up from my last blog, I was on bed rest due to extreme swelling and elevated blood pressure with a possibility of developing preeclampsia. I had my doctor's apt the following week (week 36) and I came in with weight gain (fluid) and some interesting lab values that indicated I was on my way to preeclampsia, but still no protein in my urine (an essential diagnosic value), so my doctor wanted to put me in the hospital for 24 hour observation and urine collection-so off to the hospital again. This was Tuesday and my lab results were predicted to be available Thursday. There was some talk of inducing me on Thursday if my lab values did not come out well, but thankfully I was OK and was allowed to go home on more bed rest. Toby was disappointed, he was worried about me and wanted our little boy out before I developed serious complications with preeclampsia, like seizures, but I was relieved. I wanted to have a full term baby (37 weeks) and I just wasn't mentally ready. I'm not sure I would ever be, but I definitely wasn't then.
So fast forward to my doctors apt that next Tuesday April 13. In my head I was prepared to be induced if I developed preeclampsia, but really didn't think so because I felt pretty good, except huge and swollen. I came in and had high blood pressure and finally the symptom they had all been waiting for me to develop-protein in my urine (+3). I was sent immediately to the hospital to be induced. I have to say I was OK, I thought I was prepared for what was to happen and for the most part of I was because of our child birthing classes we took, but I was not prepared for everything.
Oh, and I had my 3 hour glucose test that day, so I had fasted since 10 pm the evening before was not allowed to eat because they were going to induce me! To say the least I was freaking starving and think I ate 10 times by body weight in ice chips which was all I was allowed to have. So I was admitted to the hospital and started the process around 1 pm. I was then informed that I would need to have a continuous high infusion of magnesium because of my "severe" preeclampsia to prevent seizures. I was not prepared for this part. This was not covered in my child birthing class and was not informed by my doctor about this. But in the end after weighing the pros and cons decided it was best for me and the baby to have the magnesium infusion. Now, high levels of magnesium makes you feel hot-like feverish hot and sweaty. Wasn't prepared for that, it overwhelmed any contractions that I felt or any other pain, I was just so freaking hot, it was miserable. As the levels are high, it also makes you feel out of it which hit me in the middle of the night. Not fun!
So I'm going to spare you all the little details of me being induced, etc, but long story short, I got the epidural around 5 pm or so but started to feel pain-extreme pain in the middle of the night around 2 pm. I felt like the baby was trying to push his way out of my butt...sorry to be so blunt, but that's what it felt like. Not fun! I was trying to tell the doctor and nurse about my pain, but all I got was "this is labor honey, it's suppose to be painful" which pissed me off because I was like hello--epidural. What the hell. So they finally checked how much I was dialated at 3 pm and the doctor says "no wonder your in pain, you're at 9 cm already!" Yeah no shit lady, I've been tell you for the past hour I'm in pain. They were not expecting me to dialate so fast, they were thinking I was going to have the baby some time the next morning or afternoon. So they let me dialate to 10 cm for an hour which was horribly painful. The anasteologist came and told me she could take all my pain away (the only nice, symathetic person that morning), but I didn't want it all to go away, but she did increase my dose slightly. Then about 4-5 people come in around 4 pm and say ok you are 10 cm and let's push! So here we go, first push, they loose Connor's heart beat and it takes about 5-10 minutes to find it which scares the shit out of me and Toby. I now have about 7 -10 people in my room all frantically trying to assist the doctor in trying to find his heart beat. Finally they find it and they debate whether to let me push or if it would be too much stress on the baby and we also found out that Connor's head was turned to the side which may have also been putting stress on him. They let me push for about 40 minutes or so but he did not budge at all. I was so disappointed, I was pushing my heart out, I really wanted a vaginal birth, but I guess it was not meant to be. The doctors decided at this point it would be best to have a c-section because he was not progressing and was stressed. So they prepped me for a C-section and at 5:35 am April 14 Connor was born. I heard him screaming and felt so relieved! They brought him over to me all wrapped up and I talked to him briefly and gave him a kiss (at which time he stopped crying and looked at me :). Then Toby escorted him to the nursery while they finished up with me. It seemed like forever, I sure I was the most annoying patient ever, I was out of it because of the magnesium, but do remember asking periodically if the doctors "were done yet" I sure I was just as annoying as any 3 year old asking "are we there yet."
I'm going to summarize this last part quickly-I had to be on the magnesium for 24 hours after birth so was taken back to the labor and delivery room for 24 hours. When I got back to the room, I found out Connor had been taken to NICU because he had some trouble breathing, which then lead them to find out he had high levels of magnesium and was really lethargic. They had to keep him in NICU until he was functioning like a normal infant and not so lethargic. I was so sad because I could not go up to NICU and see Connor until I was done with the magnesium. Toby got to go up and see him and he took pictures and brought them back down to me. I started to try to pump breast milk for Connor, but it was a no go in the hospital, but I continued to try to pump. I finally got to see him the next morning and went up to visit him as much as a could and trying to breastfeed every time I went up. It was difficult because he had already been bottle fed :( I was discharged that Friday and luckily Connor was discharged on Saturday. I was so upset Friday going home without my baby, but was glad when I got home I finally pumped some breast milk for Connor and was so excited went back up to the hospital Friday night to give it to him which about wore me out!
It has been a roller coaster ride since then with getting used to Connor and his needs and schedule (or lack there of), but we have been so excited to have him home and healthy. The breastfeeding did not work out for me and I have come to terms with it, but I am still pumping every 4 hours and am able to provide breast milk for Connor and that is all that matters. He is a happy healthy baby and we are so excited to be able to spend some good time with him.
I am feeling pretty good, my swelling is almost all gone (just a bit left in my feet) and I feel like a new person-I forgot how it feels not be so swollen and big! I am not 100%, but am on my way and I almost feel back to "normal" although I'm not sure my life will ever be back to normal!
Monday, April 5, 2010
36 weeks-Day 4 on bed rest
So...this pregnancy all the sudden got interesting! Up until this point, it was going pretty normal, every doctor appointment would be great, ending with my doc saying-keep it up! Then two Friday's ago (week 35, day 1) all hell broke loose! I will have to admit, I was feeling bad before this doctors appointment, month 8 was kickin my ass. I just didn't feel right, I was really really swollen and just having difficulties. Well come to find out, I had gained 8 pounds in 2.5 weeks, along with 5 cm to my belly (then measuring 40 cm=full term belly). My blood pressure was also elevated. Great.....So the worry was I was becoming pre-eclamptic (word? who knows). So doctors orders-sonogram and hospital to run some tests. Sonogram turned out great. Baby is right on track and everything was within normal limits. He was measuring 5 pounds 6 ounces at 35 weeks which is great, no huge baby in the belly for me! Apparently I am just huge. I'm blaiming it on my height ... or lack thereof.
At the hospital, they checked my blood pressure which consistently went down, and blood tests that turned out ok, so I was sent home with orders for a 24h urine collection. Not fun let me tell you and pretty gross...especially when I have store it in the fridge!!
So the next week had a stress test for the baby-he's doing great! And apparently trace protein in the urine--good! But where did that leave me? A swollen, slightly elevated blood pressure, emotional pregnant women! It was a bad week let me tell you, but I finally got some answers Thursday from my doctor who put me on bed rest. I was actually relieved. I could stop worrying about myself and if I was pushing myself too hard at work (which I was). And now I know that I most likely will not go full term. I have two doctors appointments this week, more stress tests and close monitoring. So if everything goes well, all my labs and test will turn out good and I'll make it to week 37 (starts this Friday) and have a healthy full term baby--that is my goal.
So bed rest has been great, I'm trying to enjoy it. Been reading, watching tv/movies, taking naps. I figure this is probably the only time in my life that I am ordered to sit around, rest and relax, so I better take advantage of it. I did get a little frustrated this weekend when Toby was cleaning and picking up and I couldn't help--crazy right?? I really was anxious about finishing the baby's room (which the doc specifically said I couldn't do!!), so Sam came over and I sat in the room with my feet up and ordered her around! I really appreciate her coming over and helping me finish it and putting up with my obsessiveness!!
Plans for tonight-packing bag for the hospital and trying to figure out how to use our video camera. Toby has been super patient and helpful and of course really worried about me. I am forbidden to drive (per Toby) b/c my belly is about an inch away from the steering wheel. My most used phrase "Toby, can you do me a favor?"
If anyone has some free time....come visit--I'm just laying here relaxing!!
At the hospital, they checked my blood pressure which consistently went down, and blood tests that turned out ok, so I was sent home with orders for a 24h urine collection. Not fun let me tell you and pretty gross...especially when I have store it in the fridge!!
So the next week had a stress test for the baby-he's doing great! And apparently trace protein in the urine--good! But where did that leave me? A swollen, slightly elevated blood pressure, emotional pregnant women! It was a bad week let me tell you, but I finally got some answers Thursday from my doctor who put me on bed rest. I was actually relieved. I could stop worrying about myself and if I was pushing myself too hard at work (which I was). And now I know that I most likely will not go full term. I have two doctors appointments this week, more stress tests and close monitoring. So if everything goes well, all my labs and test will turn out good and I'll make it to week 37 (starts this Friday) and have a healthy full term baby--that is my goal.
So bed rest has been great, I'm trying to enjoy it. Been reading, watching tv/movies, taking naps. I figure this is probably the only time in my life that I am ordered to sit around, rest and relax, so I better take advantage of it. I did get a little frustrated this weekend when Toby was cleaning and picking up and I couldn't help--crazy right?? I really was anxious about finishing the baby's room (which the doc specifically said I couldn't do!!), so Sam came over and I sat in the room with my feet up and ordered her around! I really appreciate her coming over and helping me finish it and putting up with my obsessiveness!!
Plans for tonight-packing bag for the hospital and trying to figure out how to use our video camera. Toby has been super patient and helpful and of course really worried about me. I am forbidden to drive (per Toby) b/c my belly is about an inch away from the steering wheel. My most used phrase "Toby, can you do me a favor?"
If anyone has some free time....come visit--I'm just laying here relaxing!!
Monday, February 22, 2010
30 weeks
Well, I was going to write a long blog, but I'm just too tired! The third trimester is going good so far. The upside--it's almost over! Connor is almost here-10 more weeks! The downside--I'm tired... a lot. My back and my hips hurt. My belly button is stretched so far, I'm not sure how much more it can take!! But all in all, I'm in a good mood and ready for the baby to come!!
Unfortunetly no baby room pics, still have a few more things to do. I'm hoping to get it done here in the next couple of weeks.
Unfortunetly no baby room pics, still have a few more things to do. I'm hoping to get it done here in the next couple of weeks.
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